chinanigans | Is this my distorted soul

Is this my distorted soul

[Izuku thought that the world they currently lived in couldn't get more harrowing than it already was. An outbreak, the side affect of a Quirk that currently had no known cure, meant that a good 5% of the world's population consisted of zombified humans who could still think and act on their own, but were very much living corpses that wanted nothing more than to turn all of their peers into the same. It was suspected that within five years time the zombies would all either die out or be killed and the epidemic would be over, but it only seemed to grow with the passing months. Ethics and morals became muddied as people couldn't bear to harm those they cared about, yet others saw the zombies only as monsters and nothing more.

Izuku was in the camp of not wanting people to have to die, and that only became more pronounced when Bakugou changed.

He was the only one who had seen it happen, so as of now he was the only one who knew. Bakugou was still accepted as a healthy human being, and had been for a couple weeks now. He knew it couldn't last, not with eventual mandatory checkups, or the possibility of him being wounded during a mission...god, what was he supposed to do?

Izuku fretted over this as he headed back to his dorm for the evening, flopping face down on his bed the moment he gets inside.]

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[It's.. been very harrowing. Ever since he got bit-- ever since he told Deku to kill him before he turned into a zombie, only to be refused by a boy with tears in his eyes and the inability to even breathe properly anymore.. things had been hard. It's slow, he realized. The first three days was like nothing even happened but on the fourth.. he didn't have a dream for the first time in his life. And he started having hunger pangs that wouldn't go away no matter what he ate. And cravings for.. something meaty, that he knew had to be human flesh. He'd get intrusive thoughts about attacking his classmates and ripping them to shreds with his teeth-- about hearing them scream in pain as he devoured them to the bone. Or thoughts; paranoia about them being against him. About them already knowing and only acting like they don't because they're going to ambush him. Thoughts about changing them before they could kill him.

And he also had moments. Moments where he stood on the roof of the school and contemplated if jumping off would kill a zombie though he never tried. He just thought about it. Deku was trying his hardest to hide the fact that Bakugo was a zombie and so was he but... only because it was Deku's plan. Only because he couldn't deal with the expression on his face when he saw Bakugo turning into a zombie again. And couldn't deal with any of his other classmates finding out about it, having to vote on if they should mercy kill him or not... it'd be terrible. If he was going to die, he'd do it himself where no one would know about it until weeks later.

And as the time ticked by things got more and more unnerving. More intrusive thoughts. More wanting to just end it before it got worse.

Well. It got worse.

Today, during last period while Bakugo was writing down answers to the last assignment of the day... his hand fell off. His left hand, luckily not his dominant one but with five minutes left of the day all he could do was try to stick it back on and hold it in place. Blood got on his sheet of paper and he hastily crumpled it into a ball and shoved it in his bag and when asked where it was by Aizawa, he told him he never got one and left before he could be questioned, hand firmly shoved and hidden in his blazer pocket.

And immediately afterwards, he went to his dorm and tried to tape it back on or figure something out but no matter what he tried it just wouldn't work. He didn't know how to sew so he couldn't do that to fix it and he couldn't ask his mom or the nurse or a doctor to help so after giving up he quickly made his way downstairs to Deku's dorm, pounding on the door with his good fist and his other hand still hidden away in his pocket. He hasn't even changed from his blazer yet.]

[Izuku had been dozing off literally face-first into his pillow when the sudden hammering on his door startles him upright, nearly tossing his pillow away from him in his haste to get up.]

C-coming!!

[He's in his lounge clothes by now, skidding a little against his rug as he hurries to the door and pulls it open. He's only half surprised to see Bakugou there of all people, particularly given his recent issues...what really alarms him is the steadily growing stain of blood beneath where his hand is, as well as splatters of it elsewhere.]

Kacchan-

[He breathes, but before asking what's wrong he quickly grabs his wrist and tugs him inside.]

[Bakugo allows himself to be dragged in, but as soon as they're both inside and the door's closed he roughly snaps his wrist out of Deku's grasp. His expression looks pained more than anything else, and he silently lifts his other arm out of his pocket-- to reveal it broken at the bone, skin rotting around where his hand looked as though it'd been ripped off. Fresh blood starts to drips down his wrist now that it's being held upward and seeing it again gets Bakugo's breath to quicken in a clearly panicked state.]

It fucking fell off. Last five minutes of class. Hurts like Hell.

[Oh...oh god.

Izuku quickly covers his mouth with his hand, the skin of his cheeks tinged green as he eyes the stump of Bakugou's arm where his hand should be. It's terribly hard to look at, especially this close.

But him panicking isn't going to help Bakugou who is clearly already panicking.]

O...okay, okay...hang on, I need to think...

[He mutters quickly, his mouth going dry as he takes a short step backwards before turning around and getting on his knees so he can rummage under his bed.]

I have a first aid kit, s-somewhere...

[At least Deku has some semblance of an idea of what to do in this situation. Bakugo's never been good at first aid.. didn't think he needed it when they were taught it so he really needs another lesson or two.

He's silent again as he takes a seat on Deku's desk chair for now, his mind running wild about what they should do. What'll happen if anyone notices his hand is just... taped or stitched or not even on his wrist anymore. How do they explain this kind of injury? How? It's impossible... it makes him sick to think about and worse is the hand still bleeding out in his pocket, slowly filling the air with a disgusting smell of copper and rot.]

[They're going to have to worry about that later. For now, they needed to get his hand reattached before he bled out.

Izuku jerks the first aid kit out once he finally finds it, quickly opening and pulling out disinfectant, a package of needles, thread for stitching...he's never done anything like this before, but he's sewed a bit with his mother...it's a far cry from what he's going to have to do here, but what choice does he have?

He looks up to Bakugou, staying knelt on the floor.]

Get down here. Take off your blazer and keep your hand over it so the blood doesn't get on the floor.

Don't tell me what to fucking do, you damn nerd.

[There's absolutely no spark to that as he gets up and kneels in front of Deku, and carefully peels off his blazer, wincing as the cotton of the sleeve rubs against his wound. He sets it aside for now, and turns his face somewhere else so he doesn't have to stare at his disgusting hand or at Deku as he stitches it back together.]

The rest is in my pocket.

[He can't really bring himself to pull it out... it's his own hand. His own disgusting, grey, rotting hand.]

[He could gather as much, but that doesn't help him considering what he's going to be trying to do, here. He looks up at Bakugou incredulously. Is he insinuating that Izuku is the one who needs to grab his severed hand from his pocket??]

I...I need it. I'm going to try to sew it back on.

Then get it. I told you where it is.

[He snaps that at Deku, looking back over at him with a glare. Of course he's insinuating that Deku get it himself.. he's the doctor here, technically. This is what he signed up for deciding to keep Bakugo alive and keep all of this a secret.]

[He realizes that after Bkaugou snaps at him, and...god. God, this sucks.

He levels Bakugou with a glare that is none too kind, but he doesn't try to argue with him. He just takes a breath, steels himself, and quickly reaches into his pocket to grab his hand out like he's trying to catch a fish. His fist closes around the palm and he shudders inwardly at how cold it is, but he pulls it out anyway and just. Tries not to think about what it is. Pretend it's not real.

It's not.]

Give me your arm.

[Silent as can be, Bakugo slowly holds his arm out for Deku to see again. He uses his other hand to roll up the sleeve of his dress shirt to his elbow, to make it easier for Deku to work but.. it's going to hurt. He knows it'll hurt. He's still mostly human, his nerves haven't died off just yet and the only reason he's not screaming in pain right now is because the pain right now is a dull, burning sensation as if his hand had been cut off hours ago rather than only thirty or so minutes. His nerves were dying off but.. way too slowly.]

[Izuku is quick to move to get to work, pushing Bakugou's arm down towards the floor so he can line up his missing hand, double checking to make sure he has everything correct. After that, he threads the needle with horribly shaking hands, eyeing Bakugou with the needle still hovering over his skin.]

...it's going to hurt. Really bad.

No shit.

[Bakugo says that calmly but his eyes are shaking a little, staring at his grey hand-- at the needle hovering right above it, ready to sew it together without even a little bit of anesthetics to numb it first. He's had stitches before, being a rough and rowdy boy growing up but it never hurt. He was either passed out so they could do it without him screaming at them or they numbed it so much he couldn't feel the entire limb.

This. Was going to be utter hell.]

Just get it the fuck over with.

Ghh. Sorry, Kacchan...

[He whispers, screwing his eyes shut for a handful of seconds as he presses the hand to the stump of his wrist.

Then, in a swift motion rather than slow, he jabs the edge of the hand first with the needle before joining it to his wrist, pulling the thread up and through the skin.]

Fff---

[As soon as that needle is forced through his still living skin, Bakugo almost lets out a yell. Almost. He clasps his other hand over his mouth and doubles over, trembling as he squeezes his eyes shut and tries to not think about the pain. About what was happening right now. He was going to be a hero he could take this... just focus on that Bakugo. Focus on how you're going to save lives one day, despite being a zombie. How you're going to prove to those stupid humans that zombies are better than them and they're able to do so much more. How delicious fresh meat off the bone was. How Deku's meat probably tasted...

No. Fuck. It's happening again. Everything is happening so goddamn much.]

[Despite that aborted sound of pain from Bakugou making him falter, he doesn't stop. He keeps going, piercing the skin a second time as he starts up a ladder stitch across the wrist, hoping and praying it will be strong enough to keep his hand attached. He has no idea if it will even work anymore, but Bakugou can't just walk around without a hand. If he wears a watch on that wrist or something at all times...it'll be fine. It will be as if it never happened.

So Izuku fights the panic, the nausea, and continues even as he feels Bakugou's blood drip hotly down his own fingers.]

[Bakugo's never quite felt this kind of pain before. Of course he's gotten roughed up quite badly before but having a needle pushing in and out of his skin-- feeling a coarse thread run through the hole, causing everything from his wrist to his shoulder to burn is a pain that's not comparable. It's different when you're high on adrenaline, fighting until you can't stand anymore but sitting quietly as you let someone hurt you is. So much more different.

And after the third or fourth stitch, Bakugo suddenly starts to feel lightheaded. His vision starts to swim, seeing doubles of Deku and all at once it feels like he's about to puke-- he holds his free hand over his mouth even tighter to stop it but it never actually happens, thankfully. But instead it's just left him with a horrid feeling of nausea and dizzyness, and he ends up doubling forward against his own chest as he keeps his mouth covered with his hand just in case. His arm trembles as Deku continues to fix it up.]

[He's prompted to go faster. If it were him suffering, he wouldn't want Bakugou to just stop, prolonging it. He'd want him to get it over with fast, so that's just what he endeavors to do even as his hands shake violetly and his vision goes blurry through his tears as he stitches him all the way around from one side to the other, then up the underside in a desperate hope to get it to stay on.]

I almost have it...hang on...

[Getting it over with as quick as possible is exactly what Bakugo wants. Not that it doesn't have him feeling any less sick from the pain that wracks his entire arm, but at least it'll be over soon. He doesn't know what to do about it from here on, though.. he can't imagine being able to use his hand anymore and he doesn't know how to explain that to the teachers. He doesn't know how to explain how grey and rotten his skin looked, or explain away the smell of decaying flesh that will soon spread from his hand to whatever else decides to just fall off and honestly?

He's pretty fucking scared.

He's really fucking scared and he looks up at Deku with tears teasing the corners of his eyes, his entire body shaking at this point as he barely manages to gasp any words out.]

I-I can't... fucking do this...

[Not the hand getting stitched up. The whole "zombie" thing in general.]

[Izuku is basically done by the time Bakugou hits him with that plea, leaving him at a loss. Ever since he'd been bitten, he knew there would be no way to save him. He would die, but he'd continue living on as an animated corpse. There was no cure as of this moment, and if someone wanted him dead...it was well within the scope of the law for them to take it into their own hands.

Izuku's close to a breaking point of some kind by the time he pulls the thread through his last stitch, unable to even see Bakugou through his own tears as he drops the needle and thread from shaking hands. It's still attached to Bakugou, not yet tied off as he suddenly lurches and throws his arms around his best friend's neck.]

I'm s-sorry! If...If I'd been there faster...I could have stopped it, or...or...

[Or, perhaps, he could have taken the fall instead.]

[Of course, when Deku pulls Bakugo in, throwing his arms around his neck Bakugo's first instinct is to bite right into the warm flesh of his---

No. No it's to push him away. Of course it's to push him away, that's just how Bakugo is. That's how he's supposed to be. Not this... blood thirsty monster. That's not him, and that's what scares him so much about this and has him duck his head down into Deku's hair.]

Y-you should have just killed me, but instead you're doing so much bullshit just to keep me alive... why? Why the fuck do you want me around so badly in the first place, you damn nerd?

[He's willing to hide this secret. To stitch his rotting hand back onto his wrist and pretend like nothing's happened even if he'd get in so much trouble if anyone found out about this. Just for Bakugo? Why?]

H...how could you say something like that...?

[Izuku whispers, tightening his grip on Bakugou like he figures he might actually try to push him off. He's pretty surprised that he hasn't yet, but it's also clear that he is incredibly vulnerable at the moment and likely isn't really thinking.]

You're m-my best friend, I'm not just going to let you die! Not when I can do something to help! You're...you're supposed to be a hero one day! We're supposed to be rivals!

I'm not going to let this get in the way of that!!!

[When Deku says that--

"You're supposed to be a hero one day!"

That's when it gets Bakugo to snap.

He suddenly, and violently pushes against Deku to try and get him away from him, growling out his words at him as if Deku personally just spat in his face.]

How the fuck is this supposed to be a hero?! HAH?!

[On the word "this", he lifted his rotted, hastily stitched hand and shoved it into Deku's face. As if to emphasize his point.]

How am I supposed to save anyone when I keep getting the urge to eat people?! Who the fuck is going to let me anywhere near them like this when their life is in enough danger already without a fucking zombie around...?!

[Once Bakugou starts pushing, Izuku lets him shove him away, leaning back on his heels so he isn't bruised by the force of it. But that doesn't mean his expression is any less hard right now, because despite Bakugou's yelling he's still firm on what he just said. Even with Bakugou raising his voice, making it a bit...dangerous for other people who might overhear.

Bakugou had been neglecting to tell him he was getting those kinds of urges, which meant...the virus was spreading a lot faster than he'd calculated it might.]

It's not going to be like this forever, okay!? It can't be! They'll find a cure, they'll find a way to fix everyone, somehow!

[Part of him doesn't believe his own words, but he just...he can't give up.

If he gives up on Bakugou now, there's...just no hope for him to even continue to live any longer.]

You don't mean to tell me that you of all people are giving up on yourself! You can't be, Kacchan! Not you!

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Is this my distorted soul

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