chinanigans | Is this my distorted soul

Is this my distorted soul

[Izuku thought that the world they currently lived in couldn't get more harrowing than it already was. An outbreak, the side affect of a Quirk that currently had no known cure, meant that a good 5% of the world's population consisted of zombified humans who could still think and act on their own, but were very much living corpses that wanted nothing more than to turn all of their peers into the same. It was suspected that within five years time the zombies would all either die out or be killed and the epidemic would be over, but it only seemed to grow with the passing months. Ethics and morals became muddied as people couldn't bear to harm those they cared about, yet others saw the zombies only as monsters and nothing more.

Izuku was in the camp of not wanting people to have to die, and that only became more pronounced when Bakugou changed.

He was the only one who had seen it happen, so as of now he was the only one who knew. Bakugou was still accepted as a healthy human being, and had been for a couple weeks now. He knew it couldn't last, not with eventual mandatory checkups, or the possibility of him being wounded during a mission...god, what was he supposed to do?

Izuku fretted over this as he headed back to his dorm for the evening, flopping face down on his bed the moment he gets inside.]

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Then get it. I told you where it is.

[He snaps that at Deku, looking back over at him with a glare. Of course he's insinuating that Deku get it himself.. he's the doctor here, technically. This is what he signed up for deciding to keep Bakugo alive and keep all of this a secret.]

[He realizes that after Bkaugou snaps at him, and...god. God, this sucks.

He levels Bakugou with a glare that is none too kind, but he doesn't try to argue with him. He just takes a breath, steels himself, and quickly reaches into his pocket to grab his hand out like he's trying to catch a fish. His fist closes around the palm and he shudders inwardly at how cold it is, but he pulls it out anyway and just. Tries not to think about what it is. Pretend it's not real.

It's not.]

Give me your arm.

[Silent as can be, Bakugo slowly holds his arm out for Deku to see again. He uses his other hand to roll up the sleeve of his dress shirt to his elbow, to make it easier for Deku to work but.. it's going to hurt. He knows it'll hurt. He's still mostly human, his nerves haven't died off just yet and the only reason he's not screaming in pain right now is because the pain right now is a dull, burning sensation as if his hand had been cut off hours ago rather than only thirty or so minutes. His nerves were dying off but.. way too slowly.]

[Izuku is quick to move to get to work, pushing Bakugou's arm down towards the floor so he can line up his missing hand, double checking to make sure he has everything correct. After that, he threads the needle with horribly shaking hands, eyeing Bakugou with the needle still hovering over his skin.]

...it's going to hurt. Really bad.

No shit.

[Bakugo says that calmly but his eyes are shaking a little, staring at his grey hand-- at the needle hovering right above it, ready to sew it together without even a little bit of anesthetics to numb it first. He's had stitches before, being a rough and rowdy boy growing up but it never hurt. He was either passed out so they could do it without him screaming at them or they numbed it so much he couldn't feel the entire limb.

This. Was going to be utter hell.]

Just get it the fuck over with.

Ghh. Sorry, Kacchan...

[He whispers, screwing his eyes shut for a handful of seconds as he presses the hand to the stump of his wrist.

Then, in a swift motion rather than slow, he jabs the edge of the hand first with the needle before joining it to his wrist, pulling the thread up and through the skin.]

Fff---

[As soon as that needle is forced through his still living skin, Bakugo almost lets out a yell. Almost. He clasps his other hand over his mouth and doubles over, trembling as he squeezes his eyes shut and tries to not think about the pain. About what was happening right now. He was going to be a hero he could take this... just focus on that Bakugo. Focus on how you're going to save lives one day, despite being a zombie. How you're going to prove to those stupid humans that zombies are better than them and they're able to do so much more. How delicious fresh meat off the bone was. How Deku's meat probably tasted...

No. Fuck. It's happening again. Everything is happening so goddamn much.]

[Despite that aborted sound of pain from Bakugou making him falter, he doesn't stop. He keeps going, piercing the skin a second time as he starts up a ladder stitch across the wrist, hoping and praying it will be strong enough to keep his hand attached. He has no idea if it will even work anymore, but Bakugou can't just walk around without a hand. If he wears a watch on that wrist or something at all times...it'll be fine. It will be as if it never happened.

So Izuku fights the panic, the nausea, and continues even as he feels Bakugou's blood drip hotly down his own fingers.]

[Bakugo's never quite felt this kind of pain before. Of course he's gotten roughed up quite badly before but having a needle pushing in and out of his skin-- feeling a coarse thread run through the hole, causing everything from his wrist to his shoulder to burn is a pain that's not comparable. It's different when you're high on adrenaline, fighting until you can't stand anymore but sitting quietly as you let someone hurt you is. So much more different.

And after the third or fourth stitch, Bakugo suddenly starts to feel lightheaded. His vision starts to swim, seeing doubles of Deku and all at once it feels like he's about to puke-- he holds his free hand over his mouth even tighter to stop it but it never actually happens, thankfully. But instead it's just left him with a horrid feeling of nausea and dizzyness, and he ends up doubling forward against his own chest as he keeps his mouth covered with his hand just in case. His arm trembles as Deku continues to fix it up.]

[He's prompted to go faster. If it were him suffering, he wouldn't want Bakugou to just stop, prolonging it. He'd want him to get it over with fast, so that's just what he endeavors to do even as his hands shake violetly and his vision goes blurry through his tears as he stitches him all the way around from one side to the other, then up the underside in a desperate hope to get it to stay on.]

I almost have it...hang on...

[Getting it over with as quick as possible is exactly what Bakugo wants. Not that it doesn't have him feeling any less sick from the pain that wracks his entire arm, but at least it'll be over soon. He doesn't know what to do about it from here on, though.. he can't imagine being able to use his hand anymore and he doesn't know how to explain that to the teachers. He doesn't know how to explain how grey and rotten his skin looked, or explain away the smell of decaying flesh that will soon spread from his hand to whatever else decides to just fall off and honestly?

He's pretty fucking scared.

He's really fucking scared and he looks up at Deku with tears teasing the corners of his eyes, his entire body shaking at this point as he barely manages to gasp any words out.]

I-I can't... fucking do this...

[Not the hand getting stitched up. The whole "zombie" thing in general.]

[Izuku is basically done by the time Bakugou hits him with that plea, leaving him at a loss. Ever since he'd been bitten, he knew there would be no way to save him. He would die, but he'd continue living on as an animated corpse. There was no cure as of this moment, and if someone wanted him dead...it was well within the scope of the law for them to take it into their own hands.

Izuku's close to a breaking point of some kind by the time he pulls the thread through his last stitch, unable to even see Bakugou through his own tears as he drops the needle and thread from shaking hands. It's still attached to Bakugou, not yet tied off as he suddenly lurches and throws his arms around his best friend's neck.]

I'm s-sorry! If...If I'd been there faster...I could have stopped it, or...or...

[Or, perhaps, he could have taken the fall instead.]

[Of course, when Deku pulls Bakugo in, throwing his arms around his neck Bakugo's first instinct is to bite right into the warm flesh of his---

No. No it's to push him away. Of course it's to push him away, that's just how Bakugo is. That's how he's supposed to be. Not this... blood thirsty monster. That's not him, and that's what scares him so much about this and has him duck his head down into Deku's hair.]

Y-you should have just killed me, but instead you're doing so much bullshit just to keep me alive... why? Why the fuck do you want me around so badly in the first place, you damn nerd?

[He's willing to hide this secret. To stitch his rotting hand back onto his wrist and pretend like nothing's happened even if he'd get in so much trouble if anyone found out about this. Just for Bakugo? Why?]

H...how could you say something like that...?

[Izuku whispers, tightening his grip on Bakugou like he figures he might actually try to push him off. He's pretty surprised that he hasn't yet, but it's also clear that he is incredibly vulnerable at the moment and likely isn't really thinking.]

You're m-my best friend, I'm not just going to let you die! Not when I can do something to help! You're...you're supposed to be a hero one day! We're supposed to be rivals!

I'm not going to let this get in the way of that!!!

[When Deku says that--

"You're supposed to be a hero one day!"

That's when it gets Bakugo to snap.

He suddenly, and violently pushes against Deku to try and get him away from him, growling out his words at him as if Deku personally just spat in his face.]

How the fuck is this supposed to be a hero?! HAH?!

[On the word "this", he lifted his rotted, hastily stitched hand and shoved it into Deku's face. As if to emphasize his point.]

How am I supposed to save anyone when I keep getting the urge to eat people?! Who the fuck is going to let me anywhere near them like this when their life is in enough danger already without a fucking zombie around...?!

[Once Bakugou starts pushing, Izuku lets him shove him away, leaning back on his heels so he isn't bruised by the force of it. But that doesn't mean his expression is any less hard right now, because despite Bakugou's yelling he's still firm on what he just said. Even with Bakugou raising his voice, making it a bit...dangerous for other people who might overhear.

Bakugou had been neglecting to tell him he was getting those kinds of urges, which meant...the virus was spreading a lot faster than he'd calculated it might.]

It's not going to be like this forever, okay!? It can't be! They'll find a cure, they'll find a way to fix everyone, somehow!

[Part of him doesn't believe his own words, but he just...he can't give up.

If he gives up on Bakugou now, there's...just no hope for him to even continue to live any longer.]

You don't mean to tell me that you of all people are giving up on yourself! You can't be, Kacchan! Not you!

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