chinanigans | BKDK: Exes

BKDK: Exes

[Maybe Izuku had been naive to think that he and Katsuki would have lasted together beyond graduation. He'd been overwhelmed enough by the mere notion that they had gotten together at all, much less that it had lasted for two years. They'd weathered a lot together at this point; a lot of trouble and a lot of fights that they managed to patch over and work through, together. Say what you will about Katsuki, but Izuku cherished the progress they'd made together as friends, if not actual partners. They could actually resolve issues without it becoming a world-ending catastrophy.

But then...graduation came, and Izuku needed to talk to Katsuki about something very important. He just hadn't anticipated the storm it would create that ultimately would cause them to break it off entirely.

They had planned to be hero partners. Or at the very least, they were going to work side-by-side in Japan as they got their feet wet in the hero world. But in the last few months of their school life, Izuku had been talking to All Might intermittently about possibly interning for a while in America, like he had. It would be an insane opportunity, but one that would seperate he and Katsuki for a while...to that end, it wasn't something Izuku just sprung on him at the last second. He brought it up when he and All Might were first discussing it, though assured Katsuki it wasn't set in stone yet, he was just thinking about it...maybe that misunderstanding led Katsuki to believe he wasn't being serious about the internship after all?

Because...when he came to him a month before graduation and brought it up again, letting him know he thought he might really want to do it...that's when things turned ugly.

They fought. It was bad. Katsuki didn't want to hear it and kept accusing Izuku of being wishy-washy and of not being completely up front with him about it to begin with when Izuku had. He didn't hide anything. Izuku didn't want to leave, but it was an opportunity he may never get again. They both had agreed their careers came first, but something about this just hadn't sat right. Izuku could hardly remember exactly how it went, but Katsuki demanded Izuku leave, and he did in tears. After that, they didn't talk. Izuku assumed...they weren't talking, even though nothing to that affect had been said officially.

He knew when he texted Katsuki over and over and got no response. They were done.]

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[Silently, Katsuki walks in to Izuku's bedroom and he takes a seat on the edge of his bed just as quiet. Seconds tick by before he says something, and it's something he regrets almost as soon as it leaves his mouth.]

You know I didn't mean it.

[How could he have known when he was ignored for so long?]

[Izuku is quiet too, and he doesn't join Katsuki on his bed. Instead he remains standing, and it feels as awkward as it looks.]

Oh, yeah. The silent treatment was pretty convincing.

[He doesn't mean for it to come out as sarcastic and bitter as it does, but...it's been a rough last couple weeks for him, and it's not like Katsuki's tried to make it any easier until suddenly today.]

Come the fuck on, you were blowing my phone up every fucking--

[Katsuki starts, but he physically stops himself by shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath. He's gotten better at keeping his temper in, but there's still times like this where he gets too emotional and too heated. He has to start again, keeping his voice low through grit teeth.]

...I didn't know what to say. Fuck, I still don't.

Then why are you here?

[It's asked tersely, because Izuku wants to talk about this if Katsuki is going to bother coming over at all. He didn't send him all those messages and practically beg to talk about it to be ignored any longer.]

Because I want to say something, and I ain't gonna do it over a stupid phone text.

[It just.. really comes down to what should be said. He's never been good at apologies or admitting his faults, taking the blame where he needs to. It's especially difficult when he feels hurt and betrayed by his boyfriend's decision to go to America in the first place.

So.. he knows this will probably end in a fight if he's not careful with his words. It's why he's silent even after giving his reasoning for being here, because he's holding back his tongue and trying not to just say the first things that come to mind.]

[For a long, tense moment, Izuku is quiet.

Then...]

...I'm listening.

....you should've asked me first. Before deciding to go off to America on your own.

[It's clear by how muted his voice sounds that he's trying not to be angry, or that he's trying to hide it at the least. But he can't help his opinion jumping out like that no matter how calm it sounds, which is why he can't meet his gaze with Izuku's just yet.]

[Definitely the wrong way to start, but...okay. It's been said, there's no taking it back now.]

I did. I told you about it multiple times.

Telling and asking are two different fucking things.

So why didn't you tell me then that you weren't okay with it when there was still time for me to decide on something else to do!?

I didn't think you'd seriously go through with it!

[Katsuki snaps that back at Izuku, his ears starting to flush deep red in his frustration that's only going to spread to his cheeks the more worked up he gets.]

Or that you'd give me a heads-up before deciding or invited me to go with you or something! Not just decide to leave me behind in another fucking country after we had plans to make an agency together after graduation!

Do you really think I'd go without inviting you? I hadn't actually decided for sure or not yet!

[Just that...it was highly likely. That he really wanted to, but obviously it wasn't coming up in the cards for Katsuki at all.]

["Do you really think I'd go without inviting you?"

Just hearing that sends a pain right through Katsuki's chest. Like a dagger stabbing him in the heart, and for a second he feels like he can't breathe. He's been getting better, a lot better at misunderstanding people's intentions, especially his... ex boyfriend's.

He thought that Izuku was.. just going to go. Just like that. And the idea of possibly losing him in another country, the idea of him being overseas where Katsuki couldn't protect him or be by his side, set off his anxiety and he has a knee-jerk reaction that took a month to get over.

And yet, like usual, it was just his brain playing mind tricks and rushing to the worst conclusion, not even given Izuku a chance to explain himself.

Goddamnit.]

....'m sorry.

[He says it quietly through gritted teeth, his gaze stuck permanently to the floor. He can't look at Izuku, he just can't right now.]

[Izuku wasn't expecting an apology. Not really. Katsuki, he thought, had come here with unresolved anger at the situation festering in his heart, and it had boiled over and he needed to speak his mind. He'd prepared himself for that side of his ex, the last side of him he saw.

Not...this.

His shoulders relax a little, but it's clear he's still guarded. Upset.]

...If I planned to just leave you behind, I wouldn't have bothered texting you again. Or again.

[Again and again as he kept getting iced...]

[Katsuki.. can't say anything in reply to that. He can't even begin to think of what to say, honestly. He feels so stupid, and ashamed, but at the same time he still felt.. hurt. If Izuku had explained that to begin with, maybe things could've gone differently. Both of them have taken great strides over the last three years, but they were still flawed, and they were still going to have moments like this while they learned.

They're only 18, after all.

Instead of replying with words, though, Katsuki brings his right hand up to cover his face, hiding the tears biting the corner of his eyes in his own frustration at himself.]

[Izuku can't say he didn't fuck up, too. He could- should have- handled this with a lot more tact and care than he did. Especially since it's...Katsuki. He shouldn't have just assumed he'd understand, there's nuance to this sort of thing.

After a moment of stressful silence, Katsuki will feel the bed dip beside him as Izuku moves to sit down.]

....was it...something you wanted to talk about, now? Or...did you just come to say that.

[Sorry.]

[Katsuki's not sure what he was expecting during that silence, yet the feeling of Izuku sitting carefully down next to him surprised him all the same. What he says next gives him something to chew on-- he's not really sure what to even talk about, really. He got mad over a misunderstanding and punished his boyfriend for it for far too long, and now he's given a chance to fully explain himself.

It takes him a minute, but he starts moving just a bit to wipe his eyes with the palm of his hand, and he speaks a bit mumbled and hesitant, like he's scared to say anything at all.]

...I had a vision. Us starting our own agency together in the same town All Might had. It's all I could think about this entire year.

[He lifts his gaze a little bit, to look at Izuku with a slight turn of his head.]

I thought I was fucking better at not being so goddamn selfish, but when you came to me about that offer you got, it got in the way of my own plans and I couldn't deal with it. And the more it became a real possibility, the worse I felt about it. I tried giving myself time after our fight to get over it, but all I did was hurt you and stew in my own fucking misery. I kept thinking about how you were abandoning me.

[Silence again for a few seconds, until he turns his face the rest of the way and reaches a hand out to gently cup the side of Izuku's cheek within his warm palm.]

I dunno why I thought you were going to leave me behind.. guess I don't know you as well as I thought.

[The touch is surprising, but...not entirely unwelcome. He just doesn't lean into it quite like he might have before, because the hurt still remains. It's been so much time that he can't not still be upset, even if he knew getting into this relationship that Katsuki would be this way.

His mouth is too dry, so he has to work his tongue around that feeling to speak himself.]

...why didn't you tell me what you were thinking?

...I don't know.

[Katsuki sighs, and his hand lingers for a few more seconds until he gingerly pulls it back, realizing that maybe now isn't.. the right time for that just yet.]

I'm still getting over that hurdle. It's embarrassing admitting those stupid feelings, and I didn't want to fight you about it.

Not that it fucking mattered in the end anyway.

Edited (grammar..........) 2020-06-12 00:28 (UTC)

[Probably not, but...the sentiment is nice, anyway. Izuku just isn't sure he can really return it right now.]

Yeah, I mean. We did fight.

[And it was probably worse than if Katsuki had been like "hey, I'm not okay with this" WAY sooner than he did.]

...I just don't really know what the best thing to do is, now.

.....pack our bags.

[He offers a smile, before turning his head back forward again and in an attempt to smooth things over, he folds his arms behind his head and flops onto his back on Izuku's mattress.]

I mean, the agency can wait. Don't hurt to get a little more experience first.

[Izuku is definitely stunned silent at that for a moment, turning halfway at the waist to look back at Katsuki.]

D-do you really mean that?

[Or is he just settling?

Would Katsuki ever settle?]

I thought you were going to leave me to go to fancy America all by yourself, but you just told me you wouldn't.

[Katsuki closes his eyes, not wanting to see the disbelief on Izuku's face and not wanting him to be able to read if he's being serious or not just by looking at his eyes.]

All Might went to America after he graduated. I'm gonna do that too, but better.

Edited 2020-06-12 00:48 (UTC)

[He knows Katsuki. He doesn't do shit he wouldn't want to do on his own. But he knows too that just from how hard they fought, he was upset by the idea of Izuku going to America.

But now he's realizing it's not him going to America specifically...it's going without him he couldn't take. And sure, he's certain the agency thing is still on his mind as something he wants to do, but...

Izuku shifts a bit, turning around so he's sitting forward again as he pulls nervously at his fingers.]

...does that mean we're...okay?

[He thought they broke up.]

[His eyes open again, and he looks over at the other teen, studying the way he looks nervous and unsure. To be honest, Katsuki thought it was the end of them too. He was scared that Izuku wouldn't even dream of trying again after that explosion he had, so to even be asked that is.. a little surprising.

He's too generous for his own good, Katsuki thinks. But that's a part of him that he absolutely loves-- no, needs. Without him, he's not sure if he would've been able to make such great strides as he had over the years.]

C'mere.

[He reaches an arm out, offering a space for him to lay next to him if he wishes.]

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