chinanigans | "I’ll prove my existence with my beast dance."

"I’ll prove my existence with my beast dance."

[Young Bakugo Katsuki, age four and a half. The boy was born with the same ears and tail that his mother had, but none of the other traits of a dog that she did. She had a snout that she was proud of, paws with sharp claws, and a bark that scared her husband whenever she saw a squirrel outside the window and broke the peaceful silence of the house. Small Bakugo thought that his own Quirk would be like his mom's-- he tried barking loud like she did only to make a pathetic squeak of a sound, he tried to make claws come out of his humanoid fingers, he tried running on all fours and ended up tripping down the stairs over his own feet... it just didn't seem like he'd have any of the cool dog abilities his mother had. He tried to lift the couch once to see if he had his father's super strength at least but that just resulted in him spraining his wrists.

It was nearing the end of his preschool year and everyone else already had their amazing Quirks. His best friend, whom he affectionately yet frustratingly called "Deku", had manifested what was probably the coolest Quirk in class. He could breathe fire out like his father-- but with a twist. The ability to bend the fire at his will. The day he found out, everyone was excited to see how cool his new ability was, especially Bakugo. Everyone else had boring things like wings, an extra eye, but Deku had something that might as well have been two Quirks in one.

Being part dog, Bakugo has a tendency to let his emotions take control in certain circumstances and that was the case here. He got a little too excited just as Deku was trying to show him how it worked, and he got too close. Deku's fire grazed his cheek, immediately singing the skin and sending Bakugo on the ground screaming from the pain, and now he has a scar that always reminds him to reign himself in. And remind Deku to not let his fire get out of control.

That night, after he had gotten home from the hospital his mother treated him to his favourite dinner that he hadn't been able to have in a few months because of the rarity. Sheep. And the moment the four year old scarfed down his dinner something happened to him. He felt pain all over his body and howled to the sky as suddenly-- fur appeared all over his skin, a snout jutted out of his face, and his hands were turned into clawed paws just like his mother's. It was scary, at first, but as his parents freaked out and fussed over why his body had changed so drastically he realized something.

It was his Quirk.

Since then he carries a pack of home-dried sheep jerky on him at all times, and he's gotten pretty damn good at switching between full-wolf form and small wolf form. In his full form, he has something like super strength. It's not exactly that, he doesn't become any stronger than he already is but it's more like while he's in that state, his adrenaline pumps through his veins faster than it normally would giving him a frame of time to go up to 130% of his body's power. Of course if he's not careful with this, like if he tried to lift a car for more than a few seconds, he could easily get carried away and rip the tendons in his arms or legs like any other physical Quirk. He's not limitless, but there's still plenty he can do in this state. On top of that he has all the abilities a dog has while he's like that-- he can hear extremely well, smell extremely well, bark loudly and as aggressively as he feels like and he has thick claws and sharp teeth. He's effectively a perfect werewolf which is why his Quirk was changed from "Dog" to... well. "Werewolf."

And today was his first day of getting to really show off his abilities.

Him and his best friend Deku had both applied to U.A together, the school their idol, All Might had went to and both were accepted. Of course they were split up during the exams they took to get in. Bakugo exclaimed angrily how he wanted to make sure he defeated more of those robots than Deku and he couldn't if they weren't in the same exam, but it was fair to make sure classmates weren't together in case of Hubris. In either case they both ended up tying, though Deku was ahead with Rescue points as Bakugo had.. zero... and they were put in the same class.

It was the first day and they were put to the test with physical fitness exams, told that the person in last would be expelled. Everyone was ready to show off what they got, and Bakugo ended up one of the top three. He can't use his Quirk too many times in one day or he'll overwork himself so he had to be picky with what tests he used it for. He used it for the ball throwing, the 100M dash, and a few others that involved strength or speed since those areas where were he excelled in and all his scores were fairly high. His ego was fairly high as well, but he wasn't satisfied only being third in the class. He wanted to be at the very top, better than all the other losers in his class even Deku. Because he wanted to be the Number One Hero, and beat out even his idol.

..speaking of, unbeknownst to anyone, All Might was one of their teachers.

They had final period with him and his appearance caused everyone to freak out. Deku was in tears seeing him, and Bakugo tried to act like he didn't care but his tail was wagging at speeds faster than it should be able to. He was in charge of teaching the subjects that had to do with being a hero-- subjects like rescue, team combat.. things like that. Of course it being day one his class was more just orientation but the students still left with excitement and a huge impression on their minds. Bakugo even snuck up to him at the end of the class and shoved his notebook and a pen at him to get an autograph, though he refused to even smile about it as if he was bothered by the Mere Idea of getting an autograph despite asking. All Might found it endearing, and signed it happily.

Now the day was coming to an end, and he and Deku were walking home together. The excitement was still fresh in both of their minds, and Bakugo felt a new sense of determination swell up inside of him. Determination to be the best. Determination to have All Might watch as he surpassed him. And after a quiet ten or so minutes he turns his face towards his friend and gives him a sharp nudge in the side with his elbow.]

You gotta stop being such a goddamn crybaby, you shit-nerd! All Might's gonna think I'm a fucking pussycat just 'cuz I hang around you sometimes!

[Despite how angry he sounds, his tail is still waggling very happy behind him.]

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...

[Izuku shifts so he's sitting proper on the edge of one of the beds in Recovery Girl's office, his hands resting against his knees. He hates hearing Bakugou compare himself to him. His Quirk isn't strong, his is better, all of that...he knows that objectively his is the stronger Quirk. To Izuku, it's not about that.]

I'm not scared of hurting someone else! It's you, don't you get it?!

[He sets his jaw and looks down, his shoulders hunching a bit.]

...it's...just you. I got so worked up while we were fighting, and I couldn't stop thinking about how you'd throw yourself through my flames no matter how badly you got burnt. It just...scared me, okay?

[Ah so it's... just him... god that complicates things, doesn't it? Deku is someone Bakugo has wanted to beat since he was four.. but how is he supposed to defeat him if he won't fight him? He's always just.. wanted to beat him in a fair fight. That's all. But...

But... that probably won't happen. Will it...]

...

[He doesn't say anything in response to that. Just moves back to his bed and flops down again with a wince. He's not sure what to say honestly. He can't tell Deku to get over his feelings because it's making things hard for him... he wouldn't want to do that to him. But he's also not sure where to go from here and it's obvious that he's at the very least disappointed eith Deku's answer.]

[Izuku goes silent, unable to think of a proper response himself. He knows it's not good enough, and he knows that Bakugou isn't happy...he isn't happy, either. But he doesn't know what to do.

So he clams up until Recovery Girl arrives, who glances his way for only a moment before turning her attention to Bakugou to start healing him.]

[Bakugo's silent as Recovery Girl does her thing, starting with the frostbite from frozen patches of skin here and there. She chastises him for not getting treatment between fights, telling him that some of the nastier burns from Deku are going to scar because he didn't get them looked at soon enough, but luckily the frostbite will be taken care of easily enough without any lasting effects.

It takes about a half hour, where he doesn't look at Deku at all before he's all patched up and told that he's able to leave now and he wastes no time putting his shirt on over his bandages. There's still more he and Deku need to talk through, but he doesn't want to do it in the nurse's office where others might need treatment so he shoots Deku a look telling him to follow as he leaves the room.]

[The silence between them is terrible, awful, but he's at least happy to see Bakugou getting treatment and to hear that his wounds wouldn't be long lasting. Those icy patches on his skin were particularly scary...

When Bakugou gets up and abruptly leaves after casting him that glance, Izuku quickly scrambles to his feet so he can follow, only looking at Recovery Girl for a second as he goes. He doesn't say anything, but the sound of his footfalls will indicate to Bakugou that he's right behind him for wherever he ends up going.]

[Bakugo leads Deku to the end of the hall, at the foot of the staircase leading up to the second floor. He moves to take a seat on one of the steps, resting his elbows on his knees and looking down at the floor in front of him and he waits a few seconds, before he speaks up.]

...if you don't want to fight me anymore, fine. I don't need to beat you physically to become the Number One Hero.

[But it's clear he's. Really not happy with saying that... even though it's the only thing he can think of. He can't force Deku to fight him if he doesn't want to it's just always been his goal. To be able to beat Deku in a one-on-one battle.

He'll just have to focus on other things instead.]

We'll go our separate paths, and I'll still rise on top. I'll graduate as the best goddamn student this school has ever seen without having to lay a fucking finger on you.

[Izuku feels a particular spike of fear at Bakugou's words, because it sounds a whole lot like him not wanting to be friends anymore, not just going their separate ways for hero work. But he doesn't have the guts to actually ask him if that's what he means, instead standing in front of him with balled fists shaking faintly at his sides as he considers what he just said.]

...I know you will.

[He says stiffly with no real hint of finality or even being pleased by Bakugou's ultimatum. He thought it'd make him feel better, but if anything it's the worst thing that could have happened.

There's no way for them to fight without hurting each other. Without hurting the one person in this world he loves.

In the end, Izuku's expression turns stony and dark as he ducks his head down, unable to look at Bakugou any longer.]

Is that it?

Yeah.

[Bakugo doesn't get up when he says that, he doesn't even look up at Deku either. He can tell by the tone of Deku's voice he's not happy with this either but.. it's all he can think to do. It's not satisfying even a little bit, but it's better than letting this completely ruin their friendship... even though it might sound like it already has.]

[In two weeks time following this conversation, Izuku got in serious trouble at UA for the first time. It was the first time he got in trouble at school...ever, really, especially to this degree.

Because he'd stewed over what happened...and he stewed. He cried. And then he stewed some more. Because the two didn't speak, and he had convinced himself that he'd ruined their friendship over something that to him was starting to feel like maybe it didn't matter as much as he first thought. Maybe he was being overly protective for no reason, going easy on Bakugou when he could really take what he'd be dishing out. Maybe he did overreact.

He certainly ends up overthinking it, and that's what causes him to completely snap.

Right in the middle of the day during a free period when the students were allowed to be out in the courtyard, Izuku had suddenly come up to Bakugou when he was off to himself having lunch and had punched him in the face so hard that he sent him straight to the ground, never mind how handily he'd knocked one of his teeth out while simultaneously fracturing his own knuckles. He'd gotten on top of him, then, another fist held high as he threatened to keep hitting, over and over, if he didn't fight back. Until he fought back.

And of course, Bakugou did. And now they both were in trouble, though Izuku considerably moreso given he'd started it. But now part of the school was undergoing repairs due to the damage Izuku's flames had caused, and he'd been grounded by his mother for an entire week. The two couldn't really reconcile after that because Izuku wasn't allowed near Bakugou for a while, had to go talk to the princepal and councelor Hound Dog...but he was honest with them when asked what had gotten into him. That, at the very least, prevented him from being expelled for reckless behavior and endangering the other students.

Izuku wasn't proud of what he'd done, certainly. He knew he had to apologize to Bakugou for it somehow, but...he didn't know what to do, after that. He was pretty sure their friendship was really sunk now, but at least he proved to Bakugou that he could still fight him on his own merits.

"It doesn't matter anyway, right? That I don't want to hurt you!? I can do that just fine! I'm doing it plenty right now!!"

Izuku kicks at a rock on his way home from school alone, his eyes burning as he remembers that day and how he'd yelled at Bakugou, screaming his frustrations as they fought.

"Even if we're not friends anymore, I'll make you understand! I'll make you understand how I feel!"

He stops short of a few blocks from home and takes a detour, dropping himself onto a staircase leading up a hill. He folds his arms over his knees so he can stare down at the ground, looking at his reflection in a puddle from the recent rain. There's a huge set of raking claw marks across one of his eyes that are still healing. He'll at least have a nice scar to match the one he gave Bakugou all those years ago. Not like it matters now.]

[That day... was something Bakugo was never going to forget.

He had been giving Deku space after the confession, after they agreed to stop trying to one up each other for the sake of Deku's feelings. "We'll go our separate paths", Bakugo had said, but he meant it in regards to being Heroes. Rather than chasing after his best friend, he'd chase after something else. Someone else. He just.. needed space first, to think over what he'd do. To think over Deku's feelings. That's why he'd been ignoring Deku for the days to come, not because he decided they couldn't be friends anymore.

If he had been more clear... then maybe that nightmare wouldn't have happened.

It was a day like any other, and free period. Bakugo had been sitting in the courtyard with Kirishima and Denki, eating lunch silently just.. thinking of the next class. There was a test coming up that he was mentally preparing himself for, and he barely caught the sight of Deku walking up in the corner of his eye. He looked up at him when he walked over, just in time to get a sucker punch in the side of his jaw like no other. Immediately, he tasted copper and spat out one of his teeth after hitting the ground and before he could even react or ask why, Deku was on top of him. Hitting him over, and over, and over until Bakugo started to hit back.

It was scary. It was really scary.. he's never known Deku to be a violent person, so to have him suddenly beating the ever loving crap out of him in the middle of school like that was just so unpredictable that it blindsided Bakugo entirely. Their fight ended up getting really nasty.. he had to activate his Quirk just to keep up with Deku, who destroyed half the courtyard with his flames and it ended with them both horridly injured and stopped by Aizawa and Midnight who had rushed from the teacher's lounge. They got treatment separately from Recovery Girl, and he had to talk to the principal and the counselor about it just to make sure he was okay from such a random assault. He didn't tell them anything. He didn't tell them anything about the confession, about their discussion after the sports festival.. nothing.

He was sent home for the next couple of days as he mulled over what Deku said. "Even if we're not friends anymore, I'll make you understand how I feel!"

Not friends anymore? Did he go off and decide that by himself? Is that why he snapped? Because he thought Bakugo really did end up hating him over his feelings?

It was... so confusing, and the next few days at school were.. bad. He was asked by all of his friends what happened, and they looked at Deku like he was an absolute mad man. Kirishima and Denki would walk close to Bakugo in the halls, keeping an eye on the green haired boy as if he was someone that needed to be protected and he hated it. He hated how it turned out this way, but he didn't know what to do either.

....because he was scared to talk to Deku. He was scared to be alone with him, as much as he'd never admit it.

That's why, today, when he walks home alone and finds a familiar tuff of green hair sitting at the bottom of a staircase he was walking down he completely freezes. This was the first time the two have been left alone since that incident, but he wasn't sure if he was ready to be honestly. What if he snapped again? He still had burns, all over his back and his arms from Deku's attacks and there's a nice hole where one of his molars used to be.

...well. He's Bakugo Katsuki, isn't he?

He stands still, silently for a good minute before suddenly.. a pebble flies and hits Deku right in the back of the head.]

Edited 2019-01-22 04:53 (UTC)

[Izuku knew that things would be bad afterwards, but he hadn't thought through the repurcussions of people seeing him differently now. He'd lost Bakugou, but now he was going to lose all of his friends over a stupid stunt like that. Nobody really wanted to be near him right now, and it showed. The previously meek and tenderhearted Izuku now branded as a crazy loose-cannon that could be set off again at any moment. Some kids were saying he had been trying to kill Bakugou, that day. It made Izuku want to never go back to school again.

It's because of this that when he feels the pebble strike him, he doesn't think it's Bakugou. He assumes it's some kids from school trying to get a rise out of him, to see if the "crazy Midoriya" would try to attack them too. It makes him angry, and he's tempted to blast flames in their direction just to make them go away, but he doesn't want to perpetuate something that's turning into a gross rumor just so people would hate him more. He doens't humor the rock-thrower with a look, even, resting his head on folded arms.]

Go away.

[Bakugo's arms are shaking, not from anger like usual but from.. yeah. Fear. His ears pinned to his head, his tail as low as it can possibly be but he refused to let stupid, crybaby Deku intimidate him. He refused it.

So despite his body saying otherwise, Bakugo takes a step down a stair... and then another step. And another until he's right behind Deku, looming over him from behind. He opens his mouth to say something, but it dies on his tongue immediately and he closes his eyes tight, shaking his head to try and brush off his nerves. It's just Deku. Just.. Deku. Crybaby, loser Deku who would never hurt another soul with his Quirk. Who refused to use it against another living thing unless he was protecting someone else.

Who.... nearly killed him with it, over something he still didn't quite understand.]

F...

[He tries again, but his voice breaks off and that's the tipping point. Angry and confusion boiling over, and Bakugo reacts in a similar way that Deku did before but one that people would actually expect from someone like him.

He kicks Deku in the back, as hard as he can to try and knock him off the step and stomps down on the step below him, his voice cracking and his body shaking all over as he yells.]

FUCK YOU!

[There's.. a smile on his face. One Deku can easily recognize as him trying to hide the fact that he's terrified.]

Hey, did you know? There's rumors goin' around that you tried to kill me! People keep asking me if I'm okay! They keep circling around me in the halls like they're my body guards and every goddamn day they look at me like I'm a pitiful bunny trying to run away from a fucking wolf-- fuck you!

[He lets out a laugh, one that sounds so forced.]

Because of you, I've been seeing a goddamn therapist every weekend because I don't want to talk to fucking strangers about why my best friend tried to murder me in broad fucking daylight! As if I even fucking know!

[He brings a hand up to his face, to hide the tears starting to sting the corners of his eyes. Just letting his emotions run completely wild, saying whatever comes to mind while he has Deku there to listen.]

I don't-- I don't fucking know! I don't know!

Do you know, Midoriya?! Huh?! Do you fucking know why you ruined my goddamn life....?!

[Izuku couldn't even hope to avoid that. Bakugou's kick lands square in the middle of his back and easily shoves him right off the steps and into the puddle he was just looking at, spraying water over the curb and getting him soaked in the process. He flips himself over quickly, ready to defend himself if he has to, but then he sees who it is.

He doesn't even have time to speak before Bakugou is screaming at him. And yeah, it's...all stuff he knows. Stuff he saw with his own two eyes. But hearing it straight from Bakugou not only underlines how bad this really is, but it also shows him that he really messed up this time.

You ruined my goddamn life!]

N-no. No, that...

[He shifts back a little, his arms shaking as he holds himself up.]

I didn't mean-

[Didn't mean what? To almost kill your best friend? The boy you loved, and still love, even if he hates you?

No, he did do those things. Perhaps through some sort of unchecked emotional imbalance, or a culmination of everything he'd been going through coming to a head in the worst possible way. Nothing could excuse what he did, and he deserved every bit of ire Bakugou felt for him now. He deserved it from Bakugou, from his peers, from his own family.

So why does he feel like he wants to cry, when he doesn't really even have the place to do so this time?]

I'm sorry!!! I'm sorry, Kacchan, I- I'm-

[He turns over and throws himself to the concrete in front of Bakugou, his forehead pressed to the ground as he assumes a full dogeza, his teeth chattering as adreniline keeps him from just exploding on the spot.]

I shouldn't have hurt you! I n-never wanted that! I just...I w-wanted...I wanted you to understand why I was upset...w-why I couldn't fight you...I want to fight you properly, I ju-just...

[He curls up a little, it getting harder and harder to speak through his tears wanting to come out.]

I...I don't care about any of that. I j-just want you to be my friend again, even though I don't deserve it. I w-want things to be normal again...

I'm so sorry.

Oh, you're sorry?!

[Bakugo growls that out at Deku, keeping his distance even as the other boy pitifully bows in front of him. Even as Deku holds back tears, curling in on himself with the crushing despair weighing on his shoulders Bakugo continues his onslaught of words, letting his emotions cut through the smaller teen like a knife.]

You didn't mean it?! Hah! Could've fucking fooled me! You could've fooled me, Midoriya! Because usually people don't beat the shit out of someone they want to be friends with! They don't--

[Bakugo's voice cracks, with tears starting to spill over his cheeks. He reaches up to wipe at his eyes with his arm, but they just won't stop at this point. He's never really been one to cry, the only time he can recall were when Deku hurt him the first time... he was confused back then, too. Thinking for a moment, as that flame cooked his skin that it was on purpose. It was explained to him by their preschool teacher that he can't just walk into flames like that after he was able to collect his thoughts again, and he learned that Deku didn't do it to purposefully hurt him. That's why he got over it fairly quickly, once he understood that it was actually his fault rather than Deku's.

This time though... it was on purpose. He purposefully attacked Bakugo right in front of his friends. In front of everyone. Completely humiliated him in front of the school, dropped a heavy load of problems onto his shoulders. Now he has to juggle therapy along with studying, and as long as he doesn't open up he'll keep going. His parents wouldn't listen when he told them he didn't need it, they feel bad for him. Everyone feels bad for him. He's so.. goddamn sick of those pitying stares. So goddamn sick of them.]

...y-you hit me over, and over, and over and never told me why. You just kept going after me, and said that shit about us not being friends anymore with that resentful expression set on your face...! And that's the thing I don't-- fucking understand!

[He rubs at his eyes some more, before giving up entirely and instead he lowers his hands, gripping at the front of his blazer with big handfuls clutching to the fabric.]

When did you decide for yourself we wouldn't be friends anymore?! I told you I wasn't gonna hate you-- I told you I wasn't gonna fight you anymore yet you still hit me over and over and over again!

I-I don't know... I don't know what I did wrong!

You didn't do anything wrong!!!

[Izuku screams into the ground, not able to lift his head to Bakugou just yet.]

I t-thought...I lost you, and...I got so upset that I lost it! I snapped. And I thought, if...if I showed you that I wasn't afraid to fight you at my full strength...

[Then. Maybe they'd be friends again. Maybe, somehow, that would fix everything.]

[He... didn't do anything wrong?

So.. so then Deku really did just snap for no reason. He just snapped, and attacked him over nothing-- well, no. Not nothing. A misunderstanding. He thought Bakugo meant something else entirely when he said they'd go on different paths, didn't he? Maybe.. that's where Bakugo went wrong. He didn't explain himself well enough and unknowingly had cut his friend so deeply that all he could do was snap...

God, he feels like howling. It's a stupid, shameful instinct that he keeps down but he feels like letting out the loudest, torn sounding howl into the sky right now over this. Instead he just.. silently sits himself down on the steps so he can bury his face in the crook of his elbow. It's a lot like the scene that started this all, with him sitting on the steps and telling Deku that he'll stop fighting him. Only it feels so much worse. It feels.. so incredibly worse and he feels like he understands a little now, what Deku was feeling. About how he didn't want to hurt Bakugo because he cared about him.

He feels.. a little like all that stuff about wanting to beat Deku, about wanting to surpass his Quirk was really small and insignificant now. After all of this had went to head and he suffered the consequences of his own inferiority complex.

You got what you wanted, Bakugo. Deku hurt you, just as you wanted. Are you happy now? Your childhood friend nearly killed you and now everyone thinks you're weak and thinks he's a psychopath.

He lets out a whimper that he can't even try to hold back.]

[When Bakugou whimpers, Izuku finally lifts his head and looks up. He sits back on his heels, his hands dropping down, palms up, into his lap. He's soaked, in pain, and probably the most heartbroken he's ever felt. He's single handedly unraveled everything they both had going for them, and for what? Over something that could have been solved if they could just. Talk.]

...

You don't deserve what I put you through. You're my best friend. I don't expect you to forgive me, or trust me ever again.

I j-just had to apologize.

[Bakugo is quiet, trying to stifle the way his nose sniffles from snot trying to drip down his chin along with hot tears. This was a lot-- a few weeks now of emotions built up starting to finally spill out now that they've sat down and talked about it. He was so fucking confused and scared, and felt like he had no one to talk to about it because the person he normally would was the one who beat his face red. He didn't know what to do with himself, honestly and now it finally feels like it's starting to make sense. It's starting to feel like he can finally talk to someone about it and get all of that off his chest.

So when he feels like he can speak again without his voice breaking, he does.]

....I realized somethin'.

[He starts, sitting himself up enough to look at the palm of his hands, one of them burned from trying to block Deku's attacks before giving up and hitting back with his claws. Claws that left a deep scar across Deku's face.]

After you told me you loved me, I thought it was weird and stupid. But then I thought about how ever since I was four fucking years old I was always excited to see you. You were the only person who made me happy. The only person I wanted to see when I went to school. I thought maybe... tch. I thought my stupid dog instincts made me imprint on you, but after what you said.... love. Yeah. That's what it was the entire time.

[He lifts his face, to look up at Deku with red eyes.]

I kissed you just to make sure. I wanted to see if it'd make me excited or if I'd feel disgusted and I was completely wrong about the conclusion I came up with but when you kissed me back.. my tail started waggin' and I knew I was right.

I just wanted a few days to process it. That's why I ignored you. 'Cuz.. I was fucking scared of my stupid feelings and I didn't wanna admit that I had any to begin with. But if I had said something.. none of this would have ever happened.

...what?

[He breathes that, because he can hardly believe it to be true. Surely, it...surely it can't be?]

W...what are you saying? Kacchan-?

I'm saying-- god, I don't even know anymore!

[Having Deku question it makes it even worse, honestly. Having someone he cared about so much throwing his fist into his face over and over and over... and if he had just told Deku he felt the same, he could have saved the other teen a lot of hurt and pain. It all really does boil down to him, and his inability to communicate with anyone properly.]

You made me realize that I'd been stupid and oblivious to too fucking much this entire time! And even after you did all of that terrible shit.... I couldn't stop thinking about you. I just wanted things to be normal but I couldn't bring myself to get near you again and it fucking sucked... it hurt more than the burns you've covered me in.

...no.

[Izuku says suddenly, brows furrowed heavily. He wants to get up and go to him, but he finds that he can't really move right now, no matter how much he wishes he could.]

It's not all your fault. Maybe y-you could have told me something, or at least talked to me...but I could have talked to you, too. Instead of...instead of doing that to you!

[He shrills, gesturing to the bruise on his face, the burn marks on his skin.]

That's something I'll never, ever forgive myself for. There's a way for us to be rivals without having to hurt each other badly, I just...couldn't figure it out. And without talking about it, it just got worse, and worse, until...

[...]

...I still meant everything I said, a-after our fight. I really...really care about you, Kacchan. Thinking I'd lost you took away everything. It's no excuse for what I did, but...it's an explanation.

[Well.. Deku might not feel like he can move, but Bakugo does. He pushes himself up to his feet and starts walking down the rest of the stairs, each step slow and heay, tilting his body as if he has weights tied to his ankles until he's on the same ground as Deku. Muddy, bandaged up Deku. Deku with deep claw marks dug into the skin of his face where Bakugo desperately scratched him just to get him to back off.

He doesn't really know what to say to anything Deku tells him, but he doesn't feel like he needs to. Instead he drops to his knees in front of Deku and reaches out, with hesitant hands to take Deku's cheeks within his burned palms. He stares at him for a moment, his ears still flat against his hair and his expression looking really uncertain before he leans in... and licks at one of those nasty gashes he had ripped through Deku's skin those days ago.]

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1.../3

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1/2... im so sorry

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