chinanigans | "I’ll prove my existence with my beast dance."

"I’ll prove my existence with my beast dance."

[Young Bakugo Katsuki, age four and a half. The boy was born with the same ears and tail that his mother had, but none of the other traits of a dog that she did. She had a snout that she was proud of, paws with sharp claws, and a bark that scared her husband whenever she saw a squirrel outside the window and broke the peaceful silence of the house. Small Bakugo thought that his own Quirk would be like his mom's-- he tried barking loud like she did only to make a pathetic squeak of a sound, he tried to make claws come out of his humanoid fingers, he tried running on all fours and ended up tripping down the stairs over his own feet... it just didn't seem like he'd have any of the cool dog abilities his mother had. He tried to lift the couch once to see if he had his father's super strength at least but that just resulted in him spraining his wrists.

It was nearing the end of his preschool year and everyone else already had their amazing Quirks. His best friend, whom he affectionately yet frustratingly called "Deku", had manifested what was probably the coolest Quirk in class. He could breathe fire out like his father-- but with a twist. The ability to bend the fire at his will. The day he found out, everyone was excited to see how cool his new ability was, especially Bakugo. Everyone else had boring things like wings, an extra eye, but Deku had something that might as well have been two Quirks in one.

Being part dog, Bakugo has a tendency to let his emotions take control in certain circumstances and that was the case here. He got a little too excited just as Deku was trying to show him how it worked, and he got too close. Deku's fire grazed his cheek, immediately singing the skin and sending Bakugo on the ground screaming from the pain, and now he has a scar that always reminds him to reign himself in. And remind Deku to not let his fire get out of control.

That night, after he had gotten home from the hospital his mother treated him to his favourite dinner that he hadn't been able to have in a few months because of the rarity. Sheep. And the moment the four year old scarfed down his dinner something happened to him. He felt pain all over his body and howled to the sky as suddenly-- fur appeared all over his skin, a snout jutted out of his face, and his hands were turned into clawed paws just like his mother's. It was scary, at first, but as his parents freaked out and fussed over why his body had changed so drastically he realized something.

It was his Quirk.

Since then he carries a pack of home-dried sheep jerky on him at all times, and he's gotten pretty damn good at switching between full-wolf form and small wolf form. In his full form, he has something like super strength. It's not exactly that, he doesn't become any stronger than he already is but it's more like while he's in that state, his adrenaline pumps through his veins faster than it normally would giving him a frame of time to go up to 130% of his body's power. Of course if he's not careful with this, like if he tried to lift a car for more than a few seconds, he could easily get carried away and rip the tendons in his arms or legs like any other physical Quirk. He's not limitless, but there's still plenty he can do in this state. On top of that he has all the abilities a dog has while he's like that-- he can hear extremely well, smell extremely well, bark loudly and as aggressively as he feels like and he has thick claws and sharp teeth. He's effectively a perfect werewolf which is why his Quirk was changed from "Dog" to... well. "Werewolf."

And today was his first day of getting to really show off his abilities.

Him and his best friend Deku had both applied to U.A together, the school their idol, All Might had went to and both were accepted. Of course they were split up during the exams they took to get in. Bakugo exclaimed angrily how he wanted to make sure he defeated more of those robots than Deku and he couldn't if they weren't in the same exam, but it was fair to make sure classmates weren't together in case of Hubris. In either case they both ended up tying, though Deku was ahead with Rescue points as Bakugo had.. zero... and they were put in the same class.

It was the first day and they were put to the test with physical fitness exams, told that the person in last would be expelled. Everyone was ready to show off what they got, and Bakugo ended up one of the top three. He can't use his Quirk too many times in one day or he'll overwork himself so he had to be picky with what tests he used it for. He used it for the ball throwing, the 100M dash, and a few others that involved strength or speed since those areas where were he excelled in and all his scores were fairly high. His ego was fairly high as well, but he wasn't satisfied only being third in the class. He wanted to be at the very top, better than all the other losers in his class even Deku. Because he wanted to be the Number One Hero, and beat out even his idol.

..speaking of, unbeknownst to anyone, All Might was one of their teachers.

They had final period with him and his appearance caused everyone to freak out. Deku was in tears seeing him, and Bakugo tried to act like he didn't care but his tail was wagging at speeds faster than it should be able to. He was in charge of teaching the subjects that had to do with being a hero-- subjects like rescue, team combat.. things like that. Of course it being day one his class was more just orientation but the students still left with excitement and a huge impression on their minds. Bakugo even snuck up to him at the end of the class and shoved his notebook and a pen at him to get an autograph, though he refused to even smile about it as if he was bothered by the Mere Idea of getting an autograph despite asking. All Might found it endearing, and signed it happily.

Now the day was coming to an end, and he and Deku were walking home together. The excitement was still fresh in both of their minds, and Bakugo felt a new sense of determination swell up inside of him. Determination to be the best. Determination to have All Might watch as he surpassed him. And after a quiet ten or so minutes he turns his face towards his friend and gives him a sharp nudge in the side with his elbow.]

You gotta stop being such a goddamn crybaby, you shit-nerd! All Might's gonna think I'm a fucking pussycat just 'cuz I hang around you sometimes!

[Despite how angry he sounds, his tail is still waggling very happy behind him.]

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I wouldn't have gotten burned! Do you think I'm so weak that I can't figure out a way out of that kind of situation?

[Bakugo yells that back at him, more desperate sounding than before.]

If you're too scared to use your Quirk then why the fuck are you at U.A? Why the fuck are you trying to be a Hero?! Are you gonna hold back against a villain, too?!

Edited 2019-01-19 07:27 (UTC)

[Izuku gets to his feet, then, realizing that there's no running from this. No matter how much he wants to, no matter how badly his knees are shaking and begging for him to run away. His arm drips blood onto the floor from the deep bite wound, but he ignores it.]

I don't have to beat you to a pulp to win, either! A win is a win! If I can out-think my opponent, I still win!!

[He takes a step closer, his voice having risen a few octaves the more emotional he gets.]

But I didn't! You won! You won fair and square because you out-thought me! Even if I'd done more, you'd still have beaten me! Okay!?

[But it's not okay. That's not the full story, and Izuku knows it.]

You gave up!

[Bakugo doesn't step back, when Deku steps forward. He doesn't even flinch but his body language-- the fact that his ears and tail are still low as they can go tells Deku that he's still.. really hurt. He does understand what Deku's saying, to a point. You can't help it if your opponent outsmarts you but he knows that's not what it was. He knows it.]

You've got every little goddamn detail written about my Quirk in your stupid little Hero notebook, and you're tryin' to say that I outsmarted you? Are you fucking with me right now? You had so many chances to hit back at me and you gave up!

I might as well have not fought you at all!

[That...that right there. It gets him. It gets him really badly, because it's the truth. At some point during their fight, whether he realized it at the time or not...his losing had been a foregone conclusion. He'd really just been mentally trying to think of ways to get out of it, to let Bakugou take the win so as to avoid hurting him any more than he already had.

He screws his eyes shut, choking on a sob as the old, old memory of him screaming as a child rings in his ears after he'd accidentally scorched him with his flames.]

I didn't want to hurt you!

[He cries, repeating himself because he can't...argue against what Bakugou said. He's right, he's totally right, and anything else Izuku tries to argue would just be lying to himself.

He sucks in a breath that sounds downright painful, nearly bent in half at the torso as he screams-]

I c-can't hurt you anymore! I don't w-want to! I love you!!

[....what?

What?

What the fuck did Deku just say? He.. what?

Bakugo stands there, his eyes widening in complete and utter shock at Deku's sudden declaration. It makes sense if Deku didn't want to hurt him because of their friendship, but if that were the case Bakugo would wholeheartedly argue with him about that too. He thought Deku would be excited because they're friends. That's the relationship Bakugo thought they had, anyway. Always challenging each other, pushing each other to their limits. Saying stuff like "I'll be a better Hero than you" to each other.. it was always like that, ever since they were four. It's why it hurt so much that Deku seemed to just not have the same light anymore, during that fight. He was wondering in the back of his mind where his best friend went, and why he was replaced with this asshole who refused to fight him wholeheartedly.

Now he has the answer. Deku wasn't looking down on him, nor was he just playing around and trying to humiliate him in front of everyone. He.. didn't want to hurt him, because he loved him.

He... loved him...?]

Y-you...?

[He doesn't even know what to say. He doesn't even know what to think. Deku loves him? Why? Why would he love someone who's so nasty, and mean, and accused him of horrid things just ten seconds ago?

Why..]

[Izuku realizes he's fucked up the moment the word leaves his mouth, prompting him to quickly cover it with both hands, still staring at the floor and overtly refusing to actually look at Bakugou. His vision is completely blurred as tears drip directly from his eyes into little puddles on the floor. He tightens his grip around his mouth, because he both feels like he's going to be sick and start sobbing all at the same time, because he...hadn't actually meant to say that. He just blurted it out in a fit of frustration at not being understood, but now...now, he's really done it.

It's all because of this...stupid, stupid crush he's had on Bakugou for what feels like as long as he's known him, silently pining for the other boy until the feelings grew to a fever pitch once they got older and got into UA. But now, he's destroyed it. He's ruined not only any chance of being with him that way, but also torn apart their friendship by making things weird. Now Bakugou was going to hate him, or find him disgusting for liking another boy, especially him.

He turns abruptly to try to run again, because he can't stay here. He can't face Bakugou now.]

[Honestly it'd probably be better if they had some time away from each other, right now. Had time to think it over, to really process what happened.. especially since Bakugo has to get ready for his next match. But that's probably why he can't just let it end there.. how is he supposed to focus on anything else now that Deku's spilled this? Now that he's learned his best friend had feelings for him?

When Deku turns to try to leave, he grabs onto one of his arms tightly-- but he can't look at him while he addresses him.]

No, fuck you. You don't get to just leave after dumping that shit onto me.

[He sounds angry, but he's really just confused. Extremely confused.]

"I love you"? What the fuck do you even mean?

Edited 2019-01-20 00:53 (UTC)

N-nothing.

[He squeaks through his fingers, barely able to manage to choke out a reply over how...overwhelmed and upset he's made himself. He wishes he hadn't done this, especially not now, but it's too late.]

P-please just...f...forget- forget I said anything, I n...n-never said anything...

How am I supposed to just forget about it?!

[Bakugo raises his voice, tugging Deku closer towards him. His mind is racing with so many different things right now-- when did this start? When did things change? Has it always been like this? Did he just not even realize or recognize it himself? Was he wrong about how he interpreted their relationship this entire time? He thought they had a mutual rivalry but was it actually romantic??? God, it's so fucking confusing and he doesn't know if he should be mad with Deku for saying it or happy or disgusted or what.]

You just said-- you loved me... that's not something you can just blurt out randomly like that, Deku! What the fuck?!

[Why did he say it? It's going to make everything.. so weird from now on. All he can think about is the things they've done together in the past, how Deku must have felt about them. Like when they raced each other to his house and he ended up having to clean Deku's injuries... he acted weird about it didn't he? Because Bakugo licked his face and even if it's not weird to him, he can imagine it being... really awkward if someone he liked did it to him.

God. God dammit.]

All this time I thought.. fuck! I'm a fucking idiot!

[Izuku hiccups, forcing himself to move his hands away from his mouth now that Bakugou is tugging more roughly on his arm, making it hard for him to actually...continue doing that.

But now he's being accused, forced to explain himself and rightfully he needs to...but how? How is he supposed to tell Bakugou he's liked him for...a while, now? He sounds so angry that Izuku honestly wishes he'd never said anything at all. All of a sudden, the excitement of today has turned into an outright nightmare.]

I'm s-sorry! Kacchan...

[He's actually crying now in spite of his best efforts, tears mingling with the lightly bleeding cuts on his face caused by his claws from earlier.]

P...please don't hate me, I...

[He doesn't have to love him back. He doesn't even have to like him, but...

...if he loses him as a friend over this, he doesn't know what he'd do.]

[Deku saying that... begging Bakugo not to hate him over this hits the half-dog like a fucking truck.

He thinks he'd hate him over it? It's true that it.. honestly is stressing him out thinking about the fact that Deku has feelings for him. It stresses him out a ton for a lot of different reasons. The fact that he'd been oblivious to it entirely for one. The fact that they're both guys and that homosexuality isn't really a concept people accept that easily, for another. But that's probably why Deku never told him until now in the first place.. and he only did because Bakugo trapped him in a corner.

If this argument never happened, he might not have ever learned at all that Deku felt that way towards him. That stresses him out, too.]

...I won't.

[Bakugo answers, but it took him a good minute of agonizing silence for him to actually say it.]

I can't hate you, Deku. Whether I like it or not.. even when you piss me off I can't get myself to actually be mad at you.

Puppies don't wag their tails when they're upset.

[He lets go of Deku's arm after saying that, though his tail still isn't wagging. He's recognized a long time ago that Deku somehow became someone important to him... extremely important. It was because of his dog-side imprinting on him in a way, but also because he genuinely liked being around him for as much as he acted like it was a chore just being Deku's friend.

But is his own feelings towards Deku "love"? That's where he's at right now. He's never been interested in romance, and doesn't even think about sexual situations or jack off really. He's been so focused on being a Hero that he just doesn't seem to have the time or capacity to bother with that kind of stuff so this is just.. a lot.

It's a lot.]

[Yeah...that's what he said before, isn't it? He almost starts crying harder when Bakugou parrots that at him, because it just reminds him of a time when they weren't stuck in this weird situation he's now thrust them both into. God, it feels terrible...and he wishes he knew what to do, but he doesn't.

He pulls his arm back to himself when Bakugou lets him go, holding a hand over the still bleeding bite mark he left behind. Bakugou said he wouldn't hate him, and he knows he has no reason to lie. But...

He doesn't know. It doesn't feel right. This all feels wrong.]

...s-so what, then?

[If he doesn't hate him...what's the alternative? Breaking off their friendship? Going their seperate ways?]

You think I fucking know?

[He brings a hand up to his own face, rubbing at his eyes that are still bloodshot from using up his Quirk during their fight.]

I have to go into the fucking finals thinking about this and I dunno if I want to beat the shit outta you for saying something like that right before I go on or what!

[He doesn't, not really. But he doesn't know where to go from here, honestly and he knows Deku is expecting some kind of answer from him...]

Goddammit... how am I supposed to focus now?!

Beat the shit out of me if you have to!

[Izuku suddenly blurts, his expression a little wild, his breathing uneven. The last thing he wanted...was to ruin Bakugou's chances of winning. The very last thing.]

I d-don't care, just...whatever you need to do, so you can focus...

[He'd deserve it, anyway.]

[It actually takes Bakugo by surprise to have Deku suddenly telling him to beat him up. His eyebrows raise for a second, before they narrow again into a look of complete and utter... pity, actually.

He feels bad for him.

It's not like it's his fault he feels this way towards Bakugo, and it's not his fault he just blurt it out when he was feeling pressured by Bakugo's assumptions. If anything, Bakugo should be the one getting the shit beat out of him honestly but he doesn't say that. Like Deku would, anyway.

There's nothing else he can do to be able to focus again, though. There's nothing. His mind is full of every possible thought he can have right now-- second guessing himself, his own feelings. Wondering if there was something there. Wondering if the reason he's always been excited to see Deku wasn't because it was his dog instincts making him that way, or if it was because he's loved him too. And he knows he's going to go into that fight unable to think about anything else. He's.. going to lose. He's going to lose unless he can find out those answers for himself.

So... he grabs the collar of Deku's training outfit rather suddenly, and forces Deku back against the wall. It looks like he really might beat the shit out of him but no.. no.

He leans in.

...and kisses him.]

[It would have been better if Bakugou punched him. It would have been easier for Izuku to deal with and understand. But this? This...just doesn't make any sense. Him admitting feelings for his friend out of the blue does not a mutual attraction automatically make.

So why?

When Bakugou forces their lips together, he'll immediately be overwhelmed with the taste and scent of smoke. It's very strong on Izuku's breath even though he's forgotten how to breathe all of a sudden. His cheeks are wet with tears and his heart hammers in his chest, but he doesn't actually touch Bakugou. He remains frozen against the wall with their lips pressed together, his eyes wide. Incredulous.

Why? Why?

...on instinct, impulse, he starts to give in. Just for the briefest fraction of a second, he forgets that this is probably not what Bakugou wants and melts into the kiss just a little, a strained sound escaping him as he pushes back against him faintly. It only lasts for barely a fraction of a second, but it's long enough. Long enough for Izuku not to forget.

Then, he reaches up and grabs Bakugou by the shoulders so he can shove him away, still backed up against the wall as he is.]

Just forget about me r-right now, okay!?

[He shrills, more tears welling up and spilling over his cheeks.]

If you...if you go out there and lose because of me, n-none of this will matter! So forget it!

Forget it, and win this, or I'll never forgive you!

[That second-- that fraction of a second where Deku gives in to the kiss is the deciding moment. It's weird, when Bakugo starts kissing a person who might as well be a mannequin from how rigid he was standing but the moment Deku pushes back... makes that noise in his throat it has the wolf's heart start to pound quickly in his chest. His ears perk up and his tail starts to swish behind him slowly, and he realizes he...

...he might have fallen for him, too. Without even knowing or understanding why.

Though that moment of clarity means nothing when he's suddenly shoved back away from Deku, and told to forget about it. Told that if he lost, Deku wouldn't forgive him. It honestly just confuses him even more than anything else and his ears fall flat against his head again with an expression that says more about his frustration and confusion than his words.]

I can't! What the fuck is--

["The match between Bakugo and Todoroki is about to begin!"

Present Mic's voice has his blood go absolutely ice cold, and he stares at Deku for a long second with his eyes wide. He looks like he's at a total loss about what to do right now. He can't just leave it here-- he needs to know more. He needs to figure this out for himself but Deku rejecting him suddenly makes it so hard to think properly.. but if he doesn't leave he'll forfeit the match. But if he goes out there like this there's no way in Hell he can win.

He doesn't know what to do.]

Kacchan, listen to me!

[Izuku reaches out and grabs him by the shoulders, ignoring the announcement for now. His expression is serious despite his tears, despite his wooziness from blood loss.]

W...we can talk about it later, okay? But don't...think about me right now. Don't think about me, or this, during your fight with Todoroki-san. I...I c-can't be the reason you lose.

[He's shaking as he tightens his grip a little on his shoulders.]

Please. Just...go out there, and win. Win for you.

["Here comes Todoroki from the left side of the field-- but, what's this?? Bakugo is nowhere to be seen! If he doesn't show up in the next sixty seconds HE'S OUUUUUUUUUUT!"

That announcement rings above them through the speakers, and it settles in Bakugo's mind what he needs to do. He squares his shoulders and inhales a deep breath, nodding for a split second before he shrugs Deku's arms off of his shoulders so he can quickly start running for his entrance. But as he runs, he yells over his shoulders at Deku:]

Don't go fucking running, y'hear me?! I'm gonna kick your ass after I get number one!

[He still doesn't know if he can win like this, honestly. It's still fresh in his mind. The sudden confession, the way Deku melted against his lips, the taste of his skin on his tongue.... but he can't let this get to him. He was going to be the Number One Hero, goddamnit! If he let a little bit of romance drama get in the way, then what kind of Hero was he?

So he runs out onto that field with seconds to spare, and the crowd goes absolutely wild.

And his fight begins.]

[Izuku watches Bakugou go as he runs off, his face still wet with tears and his arms shaking from the pain. It isn't very long after he dashes off that he's finally found by Recovery Girl, who scolds him harshly for not getting medical treatment right after the fight and instead running off. Bakugou would receive the same treatment following this last battle, but for now...Izuku ends up missing the beginning portion as he's being tended to, though he does end up in the stands for the second half.

He sits nearly curled up in his seat with his knees up to his chin as he watches the fight unfold, distressed by the fact that he very nearly ends up losing after everything. But he doesn't. Against all odds...Bakugou wins the tournament, and he ends up on the winner's podium with Todoroki and Tokoyami.

Izuku doesn't linger, leaving the audience once the awards are passed out by All Might. He heads back to Recovery Girl's office specifically, knowing that Bakugou would be sent there at some point if he hadn't already.]

[Honestly... it was a tough match. Bakugo tried emptying his thoughts and only thinking about winning against Todoroki and for the first half, he managed alright. Despite his nasty burns from his fight with Deku still raging strong, since he skipped getting treatment entirely, he managed to fight on par with Todoroki. Wearing him down as time went by and even managing to slice up his arms and his cheek. By the time Bakugo's Quirk ran out, and he was back in his human form everyone thought that he would definitely lose. He was exhausted, but so was Todoroki. Todoroki was starting to suffer from hypothermia, using his ice too much and for too long and so his movements were slowing. Bakugo saw that as his chance, and those words rang in his head as he ran straight for Todoroki.

"If you...if you go out there and lose because of me, n-none of this will matter! So forget it! Forget it, and win this, or I'll never forgive you!"

He grabbed onto his shirt with one of his hands, and his hair with his other and flipped him onto the ground with all of his might. In the same movement, Todoroki tried his best to use his ice to stop him, but he missed and wound up freezing half of Bakugo's face instead. The crowd erupted with cheers as Todoroki's foot was out of bounds, and Bakugo looms over him panting heavily from the exertion, glaring down at him with his left eye uncovered by the ice... and a grin spreads across his face.

After that, Todoroki got up to his feet and thawed the ice from his face before the two were ushered to the podiums for the awards ceremony and Bakugo howled with delight as All Might draped the gold medal over his neck. He looked in the stands excitedly to find Deku, but just barely missed him leaving and he wonders to himself if he ever went up there to watch at all.

After the fight, he's ushered to get his burns and frostbite looked over at Recovery Girl's office and when he walks in there and sees Deku, it gets him to freeze in the doorway.]

...I won.

[As if it wasn't obvious by the gold medal hanging around his neck.]

[Izuku probably should have stayed for longer, but he knew once people started to disperse they'd be asking him if he was okay. After all, he did run off the field the moment he and Bakugou's fight had ended. It was hard to take that as anything but him being upset by something, and he didn't really want to field questions about it right now.

So he looks up when Bakugou walks in, his expression tense and a bit hard to read. His eyes are red from crying, but his face is bandaged and his arm has been wrapped up, so he's at least a little less worse for wear.]

I saw.

[He answers quietly, at least wanting Bakugou to know that he was watching when he did.]

I didn't see you in the stands.

[Bakugo replies in turn, taking a seat on a bed across from Deku as he waits for Recovery Girl to return from the field. She's a little slow at walking, so it might be a couple of minutes.]

I was there. I was late...and I left after the ceremony, but...

[He trails off, too ashamed to meet Bakugou's gaze directly. He has a lot of regrets right now, a lot, but he is glad he came to watch what bit of the fight he could.]

Mm.

[Is the dog's reply. Just a short, clipped hum of acknowledgement. It's definitely.. awkward, now. Clearly they have to talk about what happened before the fight but Bakugo's not sure what to even really say. He's not sure how he feels about all of it and now that he's sitting in front of Deku it just feels even weirder.]

...you said we could talk after the fight, so here we fucking are I guess.

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we can just time skip a lil after the fight just assume he wins bc its bakugo

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