chinanigans | I dreamed a dream in times gone by

I dreamed a dream in times gone by

[The holidays came slowly and went by too fast. It seemed that everyone was excited to go home for Christmas time to spend it with their families, especially since the mandatory dorm system meant that they couldn't see them through the normal school year. All of the students of 1-A had enjoyed a Christmas party together as they chatted excitedly about their plans for Christmas. When Izuku had been asked, he had said that he and his mother usually kept Christmas simple...they'd make sweets together and have hotpot on Christmas Eve before opening presents in the morning. He was eager for the quiet and peace of time spent with her more than anything.

That night was the last that anyone heard from Izuku throughout the rest of wintr break. Of course his closer friends, like Iida and Ochako, had immediately been wondering why he wasn't returning calls or texts, until eventually they got a single response from him. Only one, and only to them. It stated that he'd gotten sick and probably wouldn't be responding until school started back. It was a weak cover, but they believed it. It was the best that Toshinori could think of in a pinch without coming up with a worse lie. He couldn't tell even his best friends for fear of the young boy's own safety.

The news of why he really never called or texted hit the first morning everyone returned to classes, and the entire campus was alight with mutterings about it. Izuku wasn't at school at all, of course...and the specifics of the news were left rather vague, probably to protect him further. When Kirishima had heard, he couldn't even believe it until he saw the news report on TV in the common room and realized...it was true.

Kirishima had been trying to unpack his things like everyone else on the first day back since classes wouldn't start until the next day, but he hadn't seen Bakugou come in yet. So when he finally does, Kirishima comes running up to him before any of the others can, breathless.]

Bakugou!

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[Bakugo still doesn't register the shrill shrieking of his name, not at first anyway. The corners of his vision were starting to close in as he sees Deku kneel in front of him and shake him, watches his mouth move but doesn't actually hear anything coming out.

All he can think about is the image of his parents being taken out of his house in bloody stretchers. Murdered. Died in his father's arms.

He knew this would happen. He thought about it too damn much and a nightmare that had been slowly creeping up on him became reality. If he hadn't silenced his phone he could have rushed there and saved them. He could have saved them. He could have saved them.

He should have saved them.]

De..... ku...

[He croaks out the other boy's name as the gears in his mind stutter back alive, just long enough for him to realize that he's been screaming his name for the last.. who knows how long. He was on the floor, suddenly, and a sharp pain burst through his bloodied hand as if the pain from punching the screen had a delayed effect on his body. He winces suddenly, doubling over as he grabs hold of his wrist and lets out a cry-- a swear at the pain and at everything coming at him too fucking fast.]

Shit-- shit! SHIT!

[It might be hard to tell, or maybe not with Deku being so close but.. there are hot tears trailing down the bridge of Bakugo's nose, spilling off the tip of it along with the water conveniently hiding them away.]

[By now, everyone has come to a complete stop as Bakugou just...has a complete and utter meltdown right in the middle of the common area. Even Kirishima, who might have run to his aide along with Izuku, had stopped just behind the couch to let Izuku handle him for a second due to just...how frantic and unlike himself he seemed. The best he could do was bark for somebody to go get Aizawa, now, despite knowing that the teacher was probably on his way already.

Meanwhile, Izuku had jerked back a little when Bakugou started screaming at the top of his lungs, bellowing his pain in such a way that only Izuku could truly understand, though he doesn't want to believe such an assumption to be true. Not until he hears it from Bakugou, or hears the news for himself.

Now, he realizes...this is what Bakugou had been dealing with for him. Having to figure out how to comfort someone in obvious pain, except with this Izuku didn't even know the source.]

K...Kacchan, hey-

[He starts, putting his other hand on his other shoulder as he leans down further with him.]

Look at me...Kacchan, please.

[Bakugo's first instinct is to pull away, when Deku places his hands on his shoulders. He's suddenly all too aware of the stares of the other students in the room, how this vulnerable state was being shown to all of them so goddamn easily. He wants to run away and hide, like an animal that's been hurt but his body refused to do anything that his brain tried to urge it to do. He stays put, not even bothering to shake Deku off as he continues to choke and gasp out air, swearing over and over when his throat can find the time to actually form the words.

At Deku's insistence, him begging Bakugo to look at him while he tries his hardest to understand what's happened the blonde does-- he lifts his face, tears and snot dripping down his chin with his teeth bared in a pained looking grimace. His eyebrows are furrowed, pinched together not in a way that looks angry but rather a way that just looks. Sad. Just so fucking sad, and scared.

It's a look that Deku might recognize from so long ago, at the start of the year. The expression Bakugo made when he looked towards the crowd, suffocating to death and praying that someone would help him.

Only, this time...]

...h-he.. hahhh... hh-ghhk.... h-he got them.... hahhh.. hah.... h-he fucking... g-got my.. m-my par-- p-pahhrents...

[He breathes that out, hoarse and slowly, choking on every word as he looks Deku right in the eyes with an expression that's asking him why.

Why did this have to happen again?]

[No.

No....no no no no NO

It happened again. The absolute unthinkable happened. Even though he promised, he promised Bakugou he wouldn't let it, and...

It. Happened. Again.

He feels like he's going to be sick.

Izuku doesn't let go of Bakugou, but his grip on him does go a bit slack as his arms start to shake, the other students around them starting to murmur with worry as they check their phones...and the news report is all right there, plain as day for them to see.

The same Villain who killed Izuku's mother had killed Bakugou's parents, too. Within months of each other.

They were...dead.

At about that time the sprinklers finally shut off as Aizawa comes in, alarmed to find his students all standing in water and Bakugou knelt in front of a shattered TV with a broken hand. And as if Izuku can read Aizawa's mind, he looks back to Bakugou and whines to him, thinly-]

N....not here.

[Bakugo lowers his face when Deku says that, biting his bottom lip to stop himself from screaming out again as his entire body shakes and quivers. He's aware of Aizawa's presence, hearing one of the students ask him quietly what they should do and he hears the teacher say something to Deku-- telling him gently to take Bakugo to the infirmary.

But even though he's aware of his surroundings, he can't. Get himself to move. He can't get himself to do anything besides sit there shivering and hyperventilating through his nose, even though he keeps screaming at himself to get up. To do something.]

Kacchan.

[Izuku says very gently, impossibly gently, as he reaches for and quietly takes his uninjured hand. He doesn't say anything more beyond very lightly tugging on his arm, using his other hand still on his shoulder to try to coax him to stand.

Just ignore everyone and focus on him. That's all he needed to do right now.]

[The tugging-- the way he gently talks to him with a voice so quiet and patient both reach him, but they make him feel ashamed. Deku still wasn't even over his mother yet, and now he has to baby Bakugo? When Bakugo set a goal to help Deku out of the depression that was eating him alive? It's fucking pathetic. It's so goddamn pathetic and that, the shameful embarrassment as Deku tries to coax him to stand snaps him out of it for just.. just one second.]

I-- I know... h-how to use my own goddamn fucking legs..!

[He snaps at him as he shakes his hand away, and he pushes himself up to his feet with a heavy gasp of a sound from the pain shooting up to his elbow. He wants to act like he's fine-- to act completely normal like nothing happened but as soon as he's on his feet he realizes that's impossible as he stumbles and falls to his knees. His legs were numb, both from sitting on them too long and from shock. Everything felt like it was swimming and the stares of his classmates make him want to puke.]

F-- fuck... fuck!

[Bakugo feels himself crumple against the ground, his forehead pressing against the carpet and he curls his uninjured hand into a tight fist-- and pounds it into the ground.]

Fuck!

[And with that, Aizawa's voice suddenly cuts the air.

"Everyone to their dorms. Now."

Izuku and Bakugou are exempt, obviously, and the students linger for only a second before they carefully start to pad their way back to their dorms, or possibly to the showers to change and get some dry clothing.

Izuku, meanwhile, has yet to leave Bakugou's side. He's taken his hands off of him though, not wanting to upset him any further than he can help.]

[Bakugo is honestly extremely grateful for Aizawa clearing the room, it has his stress levels calm down a little bit though he still can't really get his body to do what he wants it to do. In fact, having the room empty save for the teacher and Deku seems to flip kind of switch inside of him-- it gives him the security he needs to just. Let loose for a moment, instead of trying to act tough or like his normal self just to keep face in front of everyone else.]

Fuck... g-godamm... it.... goddammit!

[Bakugo chokes out a sob, a high pitched squeak of a noise as he slams his fist into the floor again, his entire body trembling as tears continue to drip off of his nose onto the carpet below.]

Mom.. d-dad.... I'm so.. fucking sorry... I-I'm so sorry...

[He could have saved them. If he paid attention to his goddamn phone instead of mindlessly watching whatever was on T.V.

What the fuck kind of Hero was he if he couldn't even save the people close to him?]

[By the time Bakugou really starts sobbing, Izuku...is crying, too. Whether he ever meant to be or not. His empathy is too great, and the subject matter too personal and close to home. One thing the two had in common, now, was that the same villain had killed both their parents.

That's why...he isn't thinking as he wraps his arms around Bakugou's shoulders, pulling him close despite his positioning doubled over on the floor. Izuku would double over with him, if he had to.]

I'm s-sorry, Kacchan...I'm sorry...

[Bakugo doesn't fight it, when Deku suddenly pulls him close and cries against him. He's limp as can be, finding that all the strength in his body was completely gone and honestly... he needed the embrace. He always would push away from people when they had tried to hug him in the past but this was different. It was a different kind of feeling than anything he's ever dealt with before, and he doesn't know how to handle it.

So he slumps back against Deku, arms limp by his sides as huge tears spill over his cheeks, and he lets out another scream that tears his throat painfully. A roar loud enough to echo against the walls back at the two of them. He was so angry, and so goddamn miserable... he now knew how Deku felt-- how he still feels and it's such a cruel irony for their positions to be swapped like this. Especially when it's something Deku isn't even close to getting over yet.]

[Despite breaking up the students before, Aizawa doesn't intervene this time. He's quiet, staying off to the side as he lets the two boys have their moment together, knowing that Bakugou at the very least needed the opportunity to have it. He hadn't been there, when Izuku first broke down this badly. It was much of the same...harsh reality and all the disbelief that came with it. The guilt, the knowledge that you could have done something, if only you were there.

The children were being too hard on themselves, but to tell them that would be to break them further. That was why he said nothing as Izuku sobbed against Bakugou's shoulder while Bakugou screamed his anguish to no one.

While that Villain still prowled...perhaps intent on picking off even more family members of the students of UA.]

[It takes.... a good 20 minutes. 20 minutes of sobbing, and screaming, and cursing for Bakugo to finally calm down enough to be quiet. He leans against Deku, taking in huge breaths of air that sounds more like gasps, hiccupping intermittently between them as his head spins from exerting himself too much. He feels so utterly goddamn pathetic that it has his stomach feel like it was in his throat, yet at the same time he feels just. Empty inside. Empty yet full of so much rage and despair.

He doesn't want to be like Deku was, however. He doesn't want to have random screaming fits in the middle of class, or have to miss two full weeks over this. He doesn't want people worried for him, wondering if he'll be the same ever again.

So while he sits there, trying to calm himself down he finally speaks up again-- hoarse and croaky as he's lost his voice from screaming so much.]

...I need to... get my fucking hand fixed..

[Though he doesn't move to get up, as he feels like if he tried to stand up right now he could fall right back over.]

["Get him to the infirmary, Midoriya."

Aizawa orders, also knowing that Bakugou will accept Izuku doing this moreso if he knows a teacher made him. Though, Izuku was going to help him either way, his own tears still wet on his face as he shakily moves to start to stand, reaching for Bakugou's uninjured hand.]

C-cmon, Kacchan. Recovery Girl can fix it...

[Bakugo lets him take his hand, and he slowly gets up to his feet with Deku-- even though the motion makes his dizzyness feel even worse. He ends up stumbling forward a little bit, tightening his grip on Deku's hand to stop himself from just toppling over and a grimace appears on his expression.]

D-damn it.. can't even walk on my own... so fuckin' pathetic.

[He mumbles that, but moves back a little bit so he can lean against Deku, acknowledging that he'll need his help to walk at least until his head stops feeling so goddamn awful.]

Shh...

[Izuku hushes him softly before realizing maybe he shouldn't, given how fragile the other boy is right now. So instead, he continues to lead him out of the dorms and on towards the campus proper.

It's very eerie outside, somehow. Too quiet, even with the sound of their combined feet shuffling across the sidewalk. Izuku has more than enough strength to support Bakugou as they make their way, having resolved to just let his mind go utterly blank, focusing on only getting him the help he needed.

Everything else...grief, anger, confusion and despair...all of that could wait. Bakugou needed his help, now, and he wasn't going to leave him in the lurch after how much Bakugou helped him.]

[Bakugo himself is quiet, for the most part. Just letting Deku lead him out towards the school, his head hanging as he can't even get himself to look ahead of him confidently like he usually would even in moments like this. He feels like utter trash for so.. so many reasons. There was so much guilt weighing on his mind, more than anything else. Guilt for not being there for them, despite them calling him for help. Guilt for not visiting them more often while he stayed in the dorms. Guilt for always yelling at them and swearing at them.. he can't even recall the last time he told them that he loved them. If he knew they were going to get murdered today, he would have said it. At least once.

There was another thing he was feeling guilty about, too. Something that he actually does get the gumption to apologize for, as the two reach the front of the school.]

...I'm sorry. You didn't fucking need to deal with.. any of this. Not with what you've already been dealing with.

[...]

It's okay, Kacchan.

[His response is simple yet clipped, because he knows if he tries to say more- or too much- he might get started and be unable to stop. Or start crying again. He's feeling a huge, weird mix of emotions right now as he tugs Bakugou into the building, quickly ushering him to Recovery Girl's office before any students can find them. The last thing they need is more eyes on Bakugou, because the news would be spreading quickly.]

It's going to be okay.

[He's not so sure about that, but he doesn't say it. Right now it feels like nothing will be okay ever again, though he knows it's just the grief and misery talking. If Deku can take care of him right now only a month after his mother had died, he should be able to get back on his feet even quicker than that... right?

Either way, he goes silent again as he's lead to Recovery Girl's office. By now she's already heard of the news herself, having gotten a text from Aizawa while the two started leaving to be prepared so as soon as Deku sets him down on one of the beds she takes his injured hand and immediately gets to work. It takes a little while, since she has to pull all of the individual pieces of glass out of his skin.. some of them involving her having to cut around them just to get them out but he stays quiet even through all of that. Not even wincing in pain as she works diligently on his hand.

After the last piece is pulled out she does her thing and kisses it, letting it heal up just enough to where he won't need stitches before she wraps it up in bandages so it can heal the rest of the way on it's own. He already looked dead on his feet, so she wouldn't want to use up too much of his stamina just to heal a few cuts and bruises.

She tells the boys that he can rest here if he'd like but he refuses, moving to get up to his feet now that he's calmed down enough from the initial shock and he gives Deku a look that says "follow me", before shoving his hands in his pant pockets and heading out with a slouch and his face down towards the floor again. He looks like a kicked puppy, all the energy he'd usually have just.. completely gone.]

[Izuku is surprised at the silent bid to follow, but he doesn't question it. He just shares a quiet glance with Recovery Girl before getting up and following Bakugou out into the hallway. He gives him some respectful distance while staying close by, keeping an eye out for other students that might try to approach them.

But really, with Bakugou as he is...he doubts anyone will.]

[It helps that it's the weekend, as well. Though there are still a few students getting in some studying time or practicing new moves with their Quirks here and there. With the dorms being next to the school, that's bound to happen with people who are devoted to their studies, of course.

But no one does bother them, as Bakugo leads way down the halls. He takes Deku to the lunch room where a few students are currently scattered here and there, getting in some dinner in between whatever they're up to and Bakugo moves to take a seat in the far corner of the room, as far away from the rest of the students as he possibly can. He didn't feel particularly hungry, but to be honest he was starting to feel dehydrated and he knows he can't just go around not eating or drinking for days even like this so. Here he is. Trying his best to take care of himself even though he would rather curl up in his bed and never get out of it again.

It does help to busy his mind with other things though, at least. But he'll leave the actually getting food part to Deku.]

[That much, at least, he can do. Izuku mutters that he'd be right back before he scurries off to fix them two trays of food, bringing them both back to the table that Bakugou had sat down at. Dinner was the usual fair, today specifically it was rice and chicken with miso soup and various vegetables on the side. An easy enough meal...he could just eat the rice if he didn't feel like much else.]

[Once Deku returns with the food, Bakugo sits up a little straighter and looks at him for a few seconds before he looks down at the dishes set in front of him. He's not sure if he could eat all of this right now honestly, but he does go for the rice. At the very least that'll fill his stomach some.

Though he doesn't eat it immediately, just holds his chopsticks in his hands and kind of stirs some of the rice around a little bit instead as his mind wanders. He looks like a lost child, not sure what to even do with himself anymore which honestly isn't even too far off.]

...he called me.

[He says that quietly, keeping his eyes on the rice in front of him.]

My phone was silenced, but he fucking called me. I could've saved them.

[That...is a very, very difficult thing to respond to, and at first he considers letting it lay because he doesn't know what to say. It was different with Inko. She hadn't been able to do much of anything, it seemed...and even if she could, there's no feasible way Izuku could have gotten there in time, no matter how much he blamed himself for her death.

He picks up a little ball of rice with his chopsticks, pressing it into his mouth and taking the time to chew before he hazards a response.]

Do you think...he called you, expecting to be saved?

[He doesn't say it, because it would be too cruel- too blunt- but he doesn't think so. His parents, no matter how strong they think their son is, would never put him in that kind of danger for their sake. Not when he had so much to live for...and not when it was so plainly obvious this Villain was targeting families to try and lure out the UA wonderkids.

No...Izuku thinks he called to tell him what little he could before it was too late.]

...it doesn't fucking matter if he did or not. I would've saved them if I knew they were in trouble.

[That gets Bakugo to stop fiddling with his rice, his expression turning a little dark with his brow furrowing so heavily he might as well not have eyes right now.]

Even if he called me just to tell me some sappy bullshit about how he loved me I-- I could have had the time to get there and save them! But instead I was wasting my fucking day watching commercials about yogurt or whatever while my parents died!

[There's a loud clash as he slams his hands down on the table when he yells that, glaring at Deku so heavily it's almost as if Deku was the one who killed his parents himself but really-- he's just mad at himself. And after having that outburst he brings his hands up to the sides of his head, tangling his fingers into his coarse hair and slumps over the table with his elbows resting on it to keep himself sitting up.]

What kind of Hero am I?!

I dreamed a dream in times gone by

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